Work on your self-esteem.
Often when we care to an extreme of what others think it usually comes from a place of low self-esteem or doubt about that which we seek validation for. Look within and be frank with yourself about what perception you want others to have of you and why.
Perhaps you have a feature you are insecure about so continually seek validation or you believe being popular online will bring you greater self-esteem. It is time to address what the real issue is and a good place to start is asking yourself do you believe you are enough right now? If you don’t then you have some work to do because no matter where you are in your development journey you are enough, to still have improvements to make doesn’t mean you are inadequate, no it simply means you are human.
Heal from past traumas.
Perhaps growing up you were told you were something that wasn’t positive or heavily criticised by your parents/caregivers. This has led to you in adulthood trying to rid yourself of this image. It may be worthwhile speaking to a therapist if you think this might be the reason behind your need for acceptance from others.
Decide on your values and who you are.
If you don’t decide what you stand for and what life you choose to create then the world will decide for you. Many people like to put others in a box, to them, it makes life easier and it also means that they do not feel less. Decide that your story is just that yours to write.
Tune out negative non-constructive.
Learn to have selective hearing and thick skin. Those who constantly criticize are often envious so don’t waste your time taking their opinions nor caring about them seriously.
Become firm, assertive but remain compassionate.
If you suffer from the nice girl or nice guy syndrome like I did, unfortunately, toxic, narcissistic people often smell this and will try to use this to manipulate and control you. The easiest way they do this is to make you believe that their acceptance is necessary so they often do this with subtle put-downs.
Say no and walk away, be ready to let go of what doesn’t add value in terms of growth and worse takes from you.
Do not use other people’s lives as a measure for you and your happiness
Comparison is the killjoy to a peaceful life. Constantly caring what others think often leads to feeling the need to look like someone else or portray a certain image. Not only is it exhausting but you will still fall short because nobody can be somebody else because we are each beautifully unique. So embrace your uniqueness and stop giving a damn about so and so on Instagram.
Limit the use of social media.
This brings me to my next point and that is only to watch or expose yourself to what feeds you positively. I have recently become a user of Instagram and every day you are bombarded with images of women with perfectly filtered bodies. Yes, I too had to remember this when I started thinking about how on earth a human being has the perfect amount of everything. So don’t look at anything that disturbs your mental wellbeing, turn it off, delete the app, and go for a walk instead!
Stop aiming for perfection
Oh boy, I had this syndrome too. Trying to be flawless to avoid any negative comments. Perfect grades, perfect job, perfect figure you name it I use to constantly think about how to ensure each of these. And you know because that is the environment I grew up in; I thought I was simply striving for the norm. No, realise that progress and growth do not mean perfection. And yes you are still loveable flaws and all, anyone who makes you feel otherwise it’s time to let them go.
Sometimes you have to move on and find your tribe.
Often it’s a case of simply being with the wrong people. You see that’s the funny thing about building your self-esteem, living your purpose, and wanting abundance; you start to lose friends, well not so true ones anyway. The ones who like you stuck where you were, who don’t want you to outgrow them, or are too afraid to take inspiration from you.
Thank them for what they have given you and the good times then make room for your tribe to come along.
Own who you are and have a ‘thank you next’ attitude
Do not spend time thinking about why they didn’t like you or how you could have been what they needed or the right fit for the job. No, it’s time to move on and realise what is yours will always be yours and often “rejection is God’s protection”. Sing your mantra and move on!
When you stop caring what others think about you a huge weight is lifted off your shoulder and to get here may seem hard but as with any goal, it begins with the first step.
I hope this encourages you to not let anything or anyone dim your light.
Share how you made progress in an area of your life so we can also be inspired.
Do check out a quick guide on how to release trapped emotions and don’t forget to subscribe to our newsletter!