A relationship is the most important and rewarding aspect of our lives yet the hardest to cultivate and certainly a complex area to navigate, especially in the context of modern relationships and technology. That is, creating and maintaining healthy, fruitful, and inspiring relationships.
Why is it that in this modern era of modern relationships and technology, with quick, easy, and even minimal cost of communication, we just can’t seem to get our relationships right?
Now more than ever we are more disconnected than previous generations, despite the advancements in modern relationships and technology. Who relied on letters or even more recent times going to the phone box to call home!
Is Modern Technology hindering our relationships?
Our advancement in modern relationships and technology can be said to have contributed to less building and nourishing of our relationships.
I mean why have a conversation in person when you can send a text or better yet a series of emojis!
We are fixed to our phones, laptops, gaming systems, you name it. We have easy access to more forms of digital distraction than ever before. This all cumulates in poorer communication and listening skills. And to build fulfilling relationships we need both skills in abundance.
A study conducted by Sarah Coyne and Brandon looking into “everyday interruptions” in couple interactions, found in the sample of 143 married or cohabiting women that around 70% of “interruptions” be it from cellphones, tablets, computers, and such occurred.
These occurred during conversations, meal times, and what should have been a special time between couples.
There is a misconception that fulfilling relationships involve only our contentment. If my needs are met then the relationship is good and what happens is we often talk but never listen to the other person.
If there is one thing that was drummed into us in Medical school, it was the art of listening and more importantly active listening.
How many of us truly understand and are prepared to do what is required to create the sort of long-lasting relationships we desire?
The first step is to become more aware of choices that may be killing your relationships.
So here are 8 choices that just maybe ruin your chances at that amazing relationship- be it romantic and all that you deserve!
1. Seeking popularity instead of meaningful connections
You do you’re damned, you don’t you’re even more damned and that is having a social media account of some sort. We meet someone for the first time, these days some exchange social media accounts, and even when you don’t you are getting looked up.
I mean you need to get a fill of them and if you will get along. What better way than browsing their IG account? And as such you need to keep your social media account current. We load up the pictures and before you know it, we are impatiently waiting for the likes to come in.
We lose the objective of the activity, which was to connect with others without the obstacle of distance. Instead, it fosters a popularity contest.
When you care more about what’s happening online it leaves little of your attention to building with those right in front of you.
2. Relationship building is a VERB
How many truly appreciate that marriage, modern relationships, and technology are about service? Most happily married people or the ones in a long-term relationship will tell you the key to success and happiness in their relationships is understanding the needs of their partner.
It’s every day deciding to actively make an effort in your relationship, to understand the needs of your partner, siblings, parents, and investing in meeting some of these needs.
3. Ignoring unhealed trauma
Whatever trauma you might have experienced in life, whether it’s physical, emotional trauma, the effects will emerge when you are in a relationship.
Not working through trauma not only keeps one in a vicious cycle of picking people who replay this trauma but it means you never heal from this trauma.
For your modern relationships and technology to work together harmoniously, you will need to heal even though it might be difficult at first. It’s about taking control over your mental health and self-esteem and not making it the job of your partner or others to fix and heal you.
4. Having too high expectations
Everyone has expectations in relationships, which is perfectly normal, but are your expectations too high?
This could be in wanting relationships that cater to your every need or a partner who comes with everything.
This creates a situation where it becomes impossible to ever be content and rather than recognising this, you may mistakenly think the problem lies in everyone else.
5. Not letting relationships grow at their natural pace
Society will have you believe that when you are attracted to a person you have to make a move now. You have to prove your worth now, you have to close the deal now!
Now here’s the thing with relationships, they need time to blossom so you can get to know your partner or new friend.
No, this isn’t a 90-day rule; it’s not about playing games that often aim to control and manipulate, but rather giving new modern relationships and technology the room to grow at their organic pace.
6. Approaching relationships from a place of self-protection rather than abundance to give and receive
Healthy relationships are about service, not self-preservation. Often one approaches relationships from a place of suspicion and cynicism based on past experiences.
All in an attempt to prevent rejection and pain, but that’s just it, relationships are about connection, about love and the only way to truly receive the best of others and give our best is to come to them with an open and abundant heart.
7. Believing the only relationships worth conscious focus are romantic ones
When you hear the word ‘relationship’ most of us think of romantic relationships. So there is the presumption that we only need help to get romantic relationships right.
That’s just it, what makes us human is our need and desire to create relationships.
The relationship with a parent for instance is just as important and will become the foundation for how you are in romantic relationships.
8. Not taking accountability
It’s easier to blame the other person when a friendship or a romantic relationship ends. But let’s be honest we had a part too or maybe the majority of the blame was us.
I know this can be a hard pill to swallow but as important as it is to leave unhealthy relationships it is also equally important to reflect on what within us either led to this poor relationship choice or contributed to the situation.
Taking accountability isn’t about self-hatred but about realizing that it takes both parties to create and build an enriching relationship.
Modern relationships and technology aside, relationships are the most important and beautiful part of our time on this planet. It becomes a rewarding experience when you decide to come to them with the best version of you possible.
It inspires others to give you their best selves also. These 8 choices may just be killing your potential to have that amazing relationship but like the adage says “with knowledge comes power” and most importantly the opportunity to change your results.
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