This Years Resolution is to not have them
Its July already. Yes we are more than halfway through the year! What about those pesky new year resolutions? Is everybody on them? Not I! I decided along with less procrastination and more doing, I was also not going to kill myself over resolutions. (was written pre-covid-19 although still fitting!). In prior years my list looked the same, get 4-6 pack, pray, and meditate daily. Start learning to play the cello and finish writing anything! And each year I would fail miserably, so I would vow to do better the following year. I never sat to analyze if I truly wanted those goals; the reasons behind them and if they fitted my mission statement (which I still had to write!). So I stopped setting new years resolutions without even knowing it in 2019. Instead I continued working on knowing my self, to the point where I was able to define my mission statement. (more detail on this on a later post)
The Mission Statement
Mission Statement for your life as defined in Stephen Convey ‘s ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ is: “concise expression of your innermost values and directions”. It is putting into words what we stand for and how one will create this life. Throughout life our mission statement should continually be reviewed. It may be that as we grow our values or the importance we place on certain things change.
For me currently on my mission statement are:
Closer relationship to my creator
Seek to understand
Love openly and unreservedly
Peace and tranquillity
You may wish to start considering what yours are if you haven’t already or write them down if you know.
My Mission Statement in a Nutshell: Purpose Building
So I have thrown out new years’ resolution and now focus on purpose building. What this entails is using your mission statement to define how to feel more fulfilled. Then actively moving towards your purpose within one or two areas. I consciously started last year to focus on understanding and deepening my relationship with God. I have started to pray and meditate almost daily. And not a “Hey God, I could do with winning the lottery cause this 9-5 is wearing on my beautiful skin”. It has become more conversational and raw. “I don’t understand why despite all my hard work I feel like I am behind my peers. Are you even there God?”
I no longer sugar coat my emotions to my creator. If I cannot be me with him then how will I do so for instance with my husband when he comes. I have always known that the subconscious is the source of human power but never really thought beyond that knowing. Now I thoughtfully seek how to engage in that power that is within us all. I trust my gut more. Whilst on my spiritual retreat I had a strong longing to move to Portugal and start writing. I listened to this calling. I moved to Portugal in March! ( then came back, blast Corona!).
I also chose to focus on loving openly and unreservedly. For a moment I became frightened to be kind and generous to people. I was afraid of having my kindness taken advantage of. Moreover I was keen to get rid of the ‘good girl’ eager to please narrative I had been trying to live. I also know that I am a kind and generous person and didn’t want to stop being so. But I needed to start putting myself first. Besides, I wanted to get back into dating. (hurray!) If I am honest I had never dated properly. I would either talk to guys for ages, convinced marriage would occur from scattered meaningless chats here and there. Or worse I would subconsciously know we were not compatible but because he was “hella cute” would entertain the possibility that my gentleness could change him. I considered giving up altogether with the rationale that love just wasn’t for me. Then with deeper reflection I realized I needed to make some positive changes. For one I would date (and enjoy it!) before making any decisions and I couldn’t date by keeping a man at arm’s length. I needed to get back into my feminine energy, learning how to receive. As suppose to wanting a powerpoint agenda for the relationship with highlighted key points and dates for deliverables on the first date! Whilst having my finger on the eject button at any slight sign of not being up to par.
The funny thing was I had always been feminine before life or how I believed life could only be, that was a fight to win took over. This meant that in dealing with the constant curveballs thrown at me and boy have there been many! I was too exhausted to contemplate enjoying dating much less being feminine. It also didn’t help that in my mind femininity equaled weakness.
Wrong! Femininity is as powerful as masculine energy. I love talking to people, sharing my story, and hearing theirs. Human connection, the need to be heard and loved for who you are, are some of the most fundamental of desires. This ability often comes from feminine energy and it is at the core of the values on my mission statement.
How you can enhance your feminine energy? Start with dancing, more laughter and sing more. The best kind is done in your room alone in your underpants! Paint, write or learn a new instrument. I started learning to play the cello. The calm and tranquility it gives me when I sit and work on trying to understand how to smoothly move from D note to A note.
So don’t get frustrated if you are looking at your resolutions list and thinking F-bomb I am not going to get it done! Pause, breathe, and consider creating a purpose building journal instead.
Let me know how your purpose building is shaping up!
Being assertive is critical to healthy relationships and living a stress-free life. I have said that assertiveness lies in the healthy middle between passivity and aggression. So, it is possible to be assertive without being aggressive.
Being assertive is critical to healthy relationships and living a stress-free life. I have said that assertiveness lies in the healthy middle between passivity and aggression. So, it is possible to be assertive without being aggressive.
Oh, the beauty of a life lived beyond the shores of fear. If there’s one thing I’ve always chanted to myself is to never live in fear. I know you’ve been scared of a lot of things in life. Many people have and I know that’s why you’re reading this
One battle many women (including black women) fight during holiday seasons or holidays like this is how to stay motivated. The holiday season is a great time to which we all look forward. But let’s face it, holidays aren’t only rosy and jolly. They come with their fair share of work and distractions.
